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I'd recommend starting slow. Start with a mild foaming cleanser, a basic moisturizer, and a sunscreen. If you want to add more stuff on for your acne, check out /r/SkincareAddiction and /r/AsianBeauty. Their sidebars are seriously amazing.

But for a cleanser, you can't go wrong with CeraVe foaming cleanser. It's cheap, easily available, and gentle for any kind of skin. There's a bunch of theories on which kinds are best, but I've seen all sorts recommend this cleanser.

Moisturizer is really key as well. Dry skin can cause acne just because your skin is craving moisture! CeraVe and Aquaphor as well as natural stuff like Jojoba oil or Coconut oil have been talked about a lot as good options here. I'm still in search for a really good one I gel with. I do use as a light moisturizer Mizon's Snail Recovery Gel as it also clears up small cuts and inflammation as well. Be patient with this step, as some moisturizers can break you out.

Sunscreen is honestly like 100% of skincare, I'm convinced now, after plunging head first into the two mentioned subs. I use This Japanese one cuz it's cheap on Amazon and has one of the highest pH ratings out there. This Korean one is also highly praised online.

But the fun part I really like? MASKS! OMG MASKING! I love wash offs like Origins' Charcoal Mask (great for acne!) and Queen Helene Mint Julep Mask are both awesome choices! I'm also a big fan of sheet masks (they put the good-for-you goop on a piece of fabric so it's easy to apply). These are the ones I usually buy because it's a great value and they work amazing. You usually only mask for 15-20 minutes and it's like a mini me-time spa-time for me. Doing this like twice a week has done wonders for my skin!

Have some fun with your skincare journey! I'm having fun with finding my perfect self pampering routine. It's more a form of self care for me now, so I feel a little sad if I miss any steps at this point. Hope that helps some! :)

This is seriously a wall of text. Sorry. I know it was a simple question, but there is a range. I also wanted to make sure you knew where the cost was coming from, so that's why this is so awkwardly long.

Lets start with what you will need. Generally speaking, you can keep bettas in smaller bowls than you normally would. I personally have my betta in a 1.5 gallon bowl. If you do any research, you will find people saying that you must must must have them in a 5 gallon tank. This is not necessarily true. The way I was trained, is that for every inch of fish, there needs to be a gallon of water. My little guy is only and inch long, so he is in one gallon of water (plus some, because decorations). They can get up to two inches, maybe even three, but it is not common. I plan on upgrading to a five gallon tank anyway soon (I have to move first), so if he gets any bigger, it won't be a huge concern for me. The great thing about bettas is that they can be kept in smaller areas. That being said, you have to do more work the smaller the tank you get. So for example, I have to make sure that my water is still clean, just like any responsible fish owner. This means, with a smaller bowl, that I have to change it more frequently (which I personally don't mind doing). Water quality is hugely important in the health and happiness of your fish. Now, the bowl I have is a nice glass bowl that looks like this and it would cost $25-$30 (but I got it for free from a coworker). A tank that is the 5 gallon recommendation that you will see in a lot of places can cost anywhere from $40 to even $100 dollars, depending on the brand and stuff (there are some tanks that come with filter, heater, light bulb, water starter, etc). Lids are not necessary, but some bettas will jump. If you do get a lid for your bowl/tank, make sure that it have air holes in it. Bettas have a primitive lung, called a Labyrinth organ, which allows them to also take oxygen from the air. Without this ability, bettas can drown.

Another great thing about bettas is that they are fine without a filter, and in fact don't really like the filter moving the water around (like I mentioned before, they are naturally found in rice paddies, which have standing water with little to no flow). So that is a cost you don't have to worry about. Now, if you wanted to get a tank and have other fish and a betta, you would have to have a filter. Bettas can live with non-aggressive schooling fish, and females bettas can live together (generally). Of course, with all fish, you may get some that you have to house alone. I know of a couple who had a guppy they had to return because it was literally killing all the other fish in their tank. A guppy. Yeah. It really just depends on the personality of the fish in some cases.

One thing that some say a betta doesn't need is a heater. While this is technically true, I would really recommend that you have a heater for your betta. This is the one I have, and it works well for my bowl. Bettas are a tropical fish, and they do need to be kept warm, generally between 76 and 86 degrees Fahrenheit. Along with the heater, I would recomend getting a thermometer to keep on the inside of your tank or bowl, and those generally only cost a few bucks. Bettas are a tropical fish and they do need the warmth. Without it, your fish will be miserable. It will live, probably, but it will be sad.

Another thing you will need is decoration. Not just to make your tank look pretty, but also to give the fish someplace to live. Fish, just like people, need a place to go if they get stressed or scared. A simple hideout will do, or even some plants. Here are examples of decorated tanks. One and two. Two, though, doesn't really have a decoration for the fish to hide inside of, which I would really recommend. When shopping for a decoration for your betta to hide in, rub your fingers along the entrances and the inside. If it feels rough, it may be dangerous to have for your betta. Their long, thin fins can be easily torn. It is also for this reason that I recommend against plastic plants. I would shop only for silk plants or live plants (though if you have a live plant they can murk up your water). If you have gravel and a house, your betta will be fine. It doesn't need plants. For every one gallon of water your tank holds, get a pound of gravel/sand for the bottom of your tank. So I have 1.5 lbs, a 5 gallon tank would need 5 lbs of gravel or sand. I would say that decor for your tank could run you about $15 if you just get the bare minimum for a bowl, maybe up to $30 depending on if you have a tank that you need to fill. Everything after that is just gravy.


You will need a water conditioner. I used Tetra brand Betta Safe water conditioner. You can get it here from Amazon for just a few dollars. If you buy it in store, it will be more expensive (anywhere from $5-$10). The reason you need water conditioner is so that you can use tap water to fill your bowl. Tap water has all sorts of stuff that is bad for your fish (chlorine, namely), and the water conditioner gets rid of that. Fill your tank, add conditioner, and 5 minutes later you're reader to add your fish. You don't have to cycle your tank (run the nitrogen cycle) for bettas, but you do need to be aware of the ammonia levels. If you go into your local pet store, they should be able to test your water and let you know if your ammonia levels are suitable to have a fish in. This is generally free.

You will also need food. Some people get multiple types of food (pellets and frozen blood worms). I get my pellets that already have blood worms in them, so I don't have to worry about it. Most people only feed their betta sparingly, like twice a week. It should only be what they can eat within five minutes, others do 1 pellet on the week days and 2 pellets on the week ends (AM and PM). It's really up to you. Neither way is going to be better for your fish, just make sure you don't over feed. This can murk up your water or even lead to digestive problems. Food should only cost about $5.


The fish, depending on the type of betta, can run anywhere from $3 to $20+ dollars. The cheapest fish at the place I work is the female veiltail betta. Females don't have the flashy fins or the pretty colors that the males do, so they are generally cheaper. The male veiltail is only a dollar more though. The most expensive fish that we sell is the Elephant Ear Halfmoon Plakat Betta, which can run up to $40. The fish is all based on your personal preference.

So, adding all that up:

Tank: $25-$100

Heater: $12

Thermometer: $5

Decor: $15-30

Water Conditioner: $2-$10

Food: $5-10

Fish:$3-40


Your grand total would be about $67 dollars before tax on the lower end and $196 before tax on the highest end discussed in this post. That $67 is plenty to start your betta on the road to a happy life in your home, on a counter or someplace (not in front of a window or near a vent, of course). If you wanted to upgrade later on, like I plan to, you could do that to, and build up your supplies over the long run. You can also check sales (for example, my store is having a 30% off fish sale this week, so I would check some pet stores in your area and see if there would be similar deals at other stores), and you can always check craigslist for used things tha tprevious fish owners don't want or need any more, :)

This is probably waaaayyyy more of an answer than you were expecting, but I like fish, and I had nothing better to do than write this. Now, some other people may have better advice, and that's totally cool and awesome, and I encourage you to look for all the advice you want. I have worked at this pet store for less than a year, and have only been a betta owner for a few months, so I'm sure that loads of people have more information that they can give you if you seek it. If you have any more questions, though, feel free to ask me. I'll do my best to answer them for you :)

Edit: I noticed the other commenter say something about the filters, and I just wanted to say that this is a differing opinion from what I have seen. The way I was trained is that they don't need and don't like filters, but I can see that this would be an issue if you have a larger tank. If you have a larger tank, definitely get a filter because it won't move the water too much and it will make life much easier for you!

The rest of these comments are great. I'm adding stuff I haven't specifically seen (or missed). Also, I don't know what your budget is, so I'm going to add a few items that you might want to get later if you can't get them now, but are still great to have.

As others mentioned, Dollar stores are great. Not only do they have cheapo stuff, they can be a great place to pick up cheapo cutlery and plates if you're desperate and really short on cash. IKEA is also an excellent go-to for basic furniture items (and everything else - especially their 365+ pots and pans series), and if you check craigslist for IKEA items, you can usually get them dirt cheap or free.

Here're my must-have items:

1. A good, sharp knife for food prep. You really only need the one at first. Over time, if you need it, you can get additional knives, like paring, boning, serrated, etc. It should be medium in size, and should not cost you an arm and a leg. I really like santoku knives for basic all-purpose prep. They're great for chopping fruit and veg. I like Paula Deen's for middle of the road quality and price. You can get them cheaper, though, if you need to. Don't forget a good cutting board. Plastic is good, recycled plastic is better.
   
   
2. Food storage containers. I love glass anchor hocking food storage containers. They're great for everything - prep, storage, reheating, and the glass part (not the lids) are oven safe if memory serves. They're awesome multi-use things. They're also dishwasher safe, don't stain, and don't retain food smells. They last forever.
   
   
3. Basic tool-set. IKEA sells a standard one (replete with allen-wrench attachment) that includes a hammer, screwdriver with interchangeable bits, and a wrench, I think. You'll also need or want a drill at some point, but a cheap good one will set you back $50. You can get drills and electric screw drivers at IKEA, but you should save your money. The basic kit is solid, but I don't recommend investing in electric tools there.
   
   
4. Lamps. You'll almost definitely need a few standing lamps. IKEA, again, is great for these, as well as craigslist.
   
   
5. Towels. I can't stand scratchy towels, or thin ones. Getting good towels is something of an art form, but the towels I've been gifted from Kmart and Walmart have stood the test of time, and are an absolute bargain.
   
   
6. LED lightbulbs. These are an investment, but they last forever. Skip IKEA and go to Home Depot (or check online) for better deals.
   
   
7. Batteries. Because you never freaking know. AA are the most common, but C batteries are most often used in smoke detectors.
   
   
8. Basic cleaning supplies. Some kind of all-purpose spray (you can use it in the kitchen, in the bathroom, where ever), and glass cleaner if you're feeling fancy. Here's the thing - buying cheapo off-brand cleaning supplies is a waste of money, and branded cleaning supplies are insanely expensive. You really only need the all purpose to start with. I get a couple of sponges and call it a day.
   
   
9. Hand soap. Try and find sales or buy the big industrial jug to refill dispensers. Foodstores are usually better for this than drugstores or home goods stores.
   
   
10. Ice cube trays.
    
    For all big furniture, (couches, dining sets, tv stands, desks, bookshelves, end tables, etc), check craigslist and IKEA. I think way too much about this stuff, so if you like this list and you want more suggestions or specific product recommendations, hit me up.

Okay so check out www.trello.com - it's free and it's a great way to organize projects.

It utilizes the ideas behind the "kanban" system (which is basically a large board with columns and tasks in each column that is put up at an office so the entire place can see which things need to be done, which things are in progress, and which things have been completed). Kanban itself is great at limiting your amounts of works-in-progress so your brain isn't so scattered.

Trello takes that idea of a system, makes it more flexible, since you can have different "boards" which contain "stacks" of "cards." (Obviously all digital but based on the real life physical versions, with more power.)

You can open the card, add a description, add attachments, add checklists, label the card, give the cards due dates, assign cards to people (even your spouse if you're trying to move or plan a vacation), comment on things, and basically get EVERYONE on the same page of a project without a bunch of that back and forth between emails, phone calls, and not knowing who is doing what. Here's a blog post on how to manage a move with trello with your SO, as an example.

The cards can also be moved from stack to stack, so it can go from to do, doing, and then done - or you can name the stacks whatever you need based on the project. (Like if you want just a stack of some ideas to go through for a project before putting it on a "to-do" stack. But all stacks can be named and renamed, so you're never stuck.)

There are options that you can turn on if you need them, such as card aging (see how long a card has been on a project), or even voting on a card (like you have a list of vacation ideas for your family, you can have them vote on the place they'd like to go, or even vote on the places that everyone wants to see during the vacation for prioritizing.)

It's simple to use but it has SO many options for how to use it. It really depends on what you need! You can also sort boards into different organizations, so I've got one for my photography business, one for my blog, one for my hubby and I, one for a large creative project I'm working on that is it's own organization, one for my friend's business that I'm helping her with, one for all my websites and graphics work, and so on. Each organization has various boards, so for my websites and graphics work, I've got a different board for each website/project that needs to be worked on.

Heck even for personal stuff, I've got a board dedicated to reading more so I have a list of books I want to read, which one I'm currently reading, which one I'm completing. Or a board for GIFs - one stack for all the movies I want to make into gifs. From there I pick one, make a stack for the individual movie, and then keep track of the bits of gif I want to make.

Okay so for this project with my boss, I'm making a website for our company. It involves LOTS of content, and a big problem was messaging back and forth to figure out which pictures she had sent me and which things she needs to send me.

Originally, I'd have to individually go through it by my email and find all of them, and even then the pictures are all labels like abc1.jpg abc2.jpg for example, so not really well organized. This system, we have a card for each section that requires unique pictures, and so she uploads all those specific pictures to the card. If a picture is too small or there's something weird with it, I can comment on it. If there is something with the pictures group she wants changed, she'll add it to the card's checklist. This way, we both know what we have and what is needed without a bazillion back and forth emails/ims/phone calls as it is smack-dab-visual-in-your-face.

OKAY that is my epic speech about Trello. It's my homebase for projects. Since I'm using the "getting things done" system for emptying my brain out, my process is this - use Google now on my android and say "okay google, note to self - do such and such and such" - and I use toodledo for my uber-to-do-list for optimal brain emptying (GTD is about having a "mind like water" - the guy's motto is "your brain is for creating ideas, not storing them" and so you get EVERYTHING out of there that you're wanting to do, and I mean literally EVERYTHING so it's not eating up your mental ram).

The "note to self" function on google now is amazing because it makes my process even quicker now - the first time you use it, it allows you to pick an app that you want to place the idea at. So all of my ideas go into toodledo, then I do a weekly review to sort them into folders and etc. Then I pick a few things from each folder and put it on my "on dock" Trello board - which things I'd like to get done as part of my "daily seven" and then move one item at a time to "currently working on" - so I'm much more focused (even when I'm not, I can come back to focus on what I'm working on instead of OMG HERE ARE ALL FIVEHUNDREDBILLION THINGS I WANT TO DO WHICH ONE AHHHHH.) So... thems my productivity secrets. :D

PS: If you're the type who has lots of brain power and have lots you want to do/accomplish, I also highly recommend reading "getting things done" - it's like $10 and it's great. I think it's pretty adaptable to, based on who you are - a lot of business people do it, but I'm a creative and a business person, so I use it for my "stuff to get done" but I also use it to store ALL of my creative ideas for photo/graphics projects I might want to do, so if I come up with brilliance, I can just store it in toodledo for later. :D

You sound as though you're ready to start exploring a sexual relationship with someone you like. You sound like you're scared that things that happened in the past will get in the way. Let me be real about this, they might. But, there are things that you can do.

First off, communicate, communicate, communicate. If you're having sex with someone, you are baring all to them, it follows that there should be nothing you can't say to this person. If you say "I don't like that", they should stop and ask you why, or ask what else they should try, or ask if you want to keep going, they should care about assessing your needs, desires, and trying to make you happy- physically and emotionally, in terms of safety and consent. If you say "I was raped, and I want to talk about it." they should follow your lead and be kind, understanding, and tender with your feelings. They should be 100% supportive and focus on helping you to feel safe.

After I was attacked, I had a lot of bad sex. I wasn't comfortable stating my own needs, or even just saying "stop" for a long time. I didn't really make the connection that sex stressed me out sometimes, or that I would ignore my needs and just "get on with it" like "taking one for the team". This is a bad idea. Pressing yourself to do things that you do not want to do can lead to difficult emotions, anxiety, or panic attacks. It's good to pay attention to what your body and mind are telling you, to periodically check in with yourself. Ask yourself 'Am I feeling spacey? (dissociating?)' 'Am I panicking?' 'What do I want to happen right now?' When difficult emotions come up, please speak to your therapist about them.

I would actually recommend studying safety practices used in BDSM. It helped me to "come back" to myself a bit in terms of sexual identity, and sometimes my partner and I still use it during even more "vanilla" sex sessions. I think that the stoplight system really helps, especially starting out, because depending on how you're feeling, it can help provide a firm sense of safety and make boundaries explicit. It's also simple to remember, which helps if you are dealing with high anxiety. Basically, you say "green light" or "go" or whatever word you and your partner choose when everything is good. When you're feeling good and you want to say "yes", that's a green light. "Yellow light" means "We need to slow down and talk a bit right now, there is something that needs addressing and if it isn't fixed, we are going to stop." I use this if I'm in pain, if there is something that brought up a bad memory, or if my emotions shift dramatically or bottom out unexpectedly (which, for me, can be a signal that I'm about to have a panic attack). "Red light" or just "stop" or whatever safeword you want to use and discuss with your partner beforehand signals "we need to stop right now". It's probably best to discuss what you want your partner to do when you use your red light. Do you want them to back away from you, and avoid touching you? Do you want them to hug you? It's also okay to ask them if they'll hold you, but I would recommend discussing it beforehand. Basically, by talking more before you act, you are mitigating the amount of surprises both of you need to deal with.

Keep in mind that it's not bad to use a "red light". It's not bad to use a "yellow light". It just means that there's a hurdle in your path, and that you're trying to clear it. It is actually really good to use them, because it means that you're accurately assessing your needs and setting your boundaries in a healthy, safe way. Some sessions I have used like 5 yellow lights, but we finally got there. Some sessions it's like... red light right away, because I realized I was in way over my head immediately.

Re: birth control, there are a lot of options. Personally I use condoms, just make sure you don't have a latex allergy (they make latex-free condoms). If you use condoms, educate yourself on how to use them correctly, and do not use a compromised condom. https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-control/condom/how-to-put-a-condom-on If you're wanting to go the hormonal or IUD route (it sounds like you're not), talk to your doctor about it, and consider talking to your therapist.

Also, this wasn't an issue for me before the attack, but afterwards I dealt with vaginismus. It can kind of sneak up on you if you're not expecting it. https://www.reddit.com/r/vaginismus/ I'm not saying it will happen to you or it's even likely, I just want you to be prepared for that eventuality, just in case.

Lastly, I know you're worried about "being good". But sex is an experience that you choose to share with another person. It's like dancing or having a conversation, it's not about "being the best at conversation". I know it can be really scary to talk about it... just like asking someone out can be scary. But the thing is, if that person isn't willing to meet you in the middle and be a giving, understanding partner, then they probably aren't going to help you have a good experience. It's okay to go after what you want. And, it's okay to expect people to meet your standards when it comes to relationships and sex. But, it's important to talk about all of these things with your partner or potential partner. Make sure you are on the same page with them, and that you both understand each other.

I'd also recommend cross posting this to https://www.reddit.com/r/traumatoolbox/ It's a bit quiet there, but the people are often well meaning and have tips that are helpful for dealing with aspects of recovery that commonly occur.

Best of luck. Please feel free to PM me if you have questions.

Edited to add: If you want to bone up on knowledge (sorry about the pun), I'd recommend this book. It's helped me a lot. https://www.amazon.com/Guide-Getting-Paul-Joannides-Psy-D/dp/1885535171/

I've been poly for 10 years, and in a new LDR (4 months). He's a touring roadie, I'm an in-town roadie.

I would strongly recommend doing some reading on polyamory, open relationships, swinging, all that stuff. There's tons of great literature out there. Even if full-on multiple relationships isn't what you're looking for, you'll pick up lots and lots of tools to smooth a transition to non-monogamy, and just in general to have healthy communication.

Before you talk to him about it, and before you get with anyone else, try to have an idea of what you'd like, and what your boundaries are. Do you want just NSA booty, or FWB? What would you be comfortable for him to do with other women? What about barriers? Do you talk about your other partners, or is it a DADT situation? What if feels happen? A good rule of thumb is to picture your partner with someone else, having a great time. If this elicits strong feelings of jealousy, anger, and general badness, there's going to be a lot of things to work through.

After you've got a good idea of where you want to go, bring it up with him. Not with a specific other partner in mind, but just as a concept. Ask him to do research for himself. Even if he says "No way!", have him do the reading and make an informed decision. Make up your mind whether or not this is a deal breaker.

We're pretty strongly conditioned against the idea of non-monogamy, but the fact is that it's all around us. Open relationships are a pretty common practice, and can be part of a lot of healthy, loving, long-lasting romances.

I thought I would have to really reconsider my poly attitude when I met my current guy, because I am crazy-nuts-bananas in love. When I told him about it, he laughed that I had been scared and told me he had been in open relationships for a decade and preferred it!

Good luck on spreading the love!

https://www.amazon.com/Ethical-Slut-Practical-Relationships-Adventures/dp/1587613379

https://www.amazon.com/More-Than-Two-Practical-Polyamory/dp/0991399706

http://polyamorydiaries.com/im-madly-in-love-with-you-but-dont-worry-its-not-a-big-deal/

Hey squirrelfriend, I'm a definitely-not-perky C cup too (also I have a congenital breast deformity which suuuuucks)! It can definitely be damper on your self esteem sometimes, so I hear you!!

Definitely try /r/ABraThatFits, but in the meantime, I super reccomend Natori bras in general. I'm a 30C, and my current favorite bra (I wear the 30 B/C) is this: https://www.amazon.com/Natori-Womens-Feathers-Wireless-Convertible/dp/B01D05ZVDW/ref=pd_lpo_vtph_193_lp_t_3?_encoding=UTF8&refRID=KFZX9K65P8XKHFSN0QY3

It's super comfortable, very supportive, and makes me feel really good!!

If you're still having a difficult time with finding bras (I certainly do), and you're up for a challenge, I highly reccomend trying to make your own! There's a bit of a learning curve, but it's super awesome having custom fit bras in any color or style you want. :)

Getting enjoyment out of life is relatively new to me, as someone with a lot of mental health issues, and other things besides that don't really need explaining for these purposes.

Besides therapy (and like, a lot of it), the biggest things that are working for me in terms of actually making me happy are

• Using Mel Robbins' 5 second rule to get up early in the mornings and working on my life-long goal of learning how to make video games before work
  
• *Making* time to do things with friends I actually like, and trying new things as often as possible without overwhelming myself
  
• Running like hell from my depression by filling every sliver of time I can with something I care about and making sure to exercise regularly. This works better if there's a goal involved. It's exhausting but honestly no more exhausting than letting my depression catch me.
  
• Actively making an effort to enjoy the small things in my life that are good. My morning tea. The sunlight from my giant windows. My cat's fur. My husband's butt. Taking at least a few moments out of every day to remind myself "this is good"
  
  Though I wouldn't list this specifically as something that helps me get enjoyment out of life, you seem to be struggling with the amount of chores you have, so: I've also done a lot of work around figuring out how to make a lot of chore-type things in my life more efficient. Even though I don't agree with *everything* she says, Marie Kondo's Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up can help you figure out how to permanently de-clutter, which helps with cutting down on chores. Actually sitting down with a pencil and paper and thinking about how you could chores at certain times or in a certain order to maximize efficiency, then making a schedule or changing your habits might help. Also, picking up after yourself as you're living your life and encouraging your husband to do the same will help, if you don't do that already. It's hard to have concrete suggestions without knowing way too many details about your day-to-day life, but I'm confident if you sit down and think about what you need to do and how often, and maybe even google things like "how to make laundry more efficient", you can find at least one or two things that could get you a little more time.

Who Fears Death is an amazing fantasy book that has themes of magic as well as racism and sexism. It's an amazing read!

I love sci-fi and my tops are the Hyperion Cantos, Robert A. Heinlein books (The Moon is a Harsh Mistress, Time Enough For Love, etc.), Ursula K Le Guin books (Earthsea, which is actually fantasy, Very Far Away From Anything Else, which is actually just fiction, The Dispossessed, Rocannon's World, The Left Hand of Darkness, etc.) and John Varley books (Titan, Wizard, Demon. a trilogy. Millennium, Steel Beach).

I'm currently reading another sci-fi trilogy, Three, Fall of Morningside, Dawnbreaker, which I like a lot. Jay Posey also wrote another sci-fi novel, Outriders, also very good.

I have Miss Peregrine's Home For Peculiar Children on my nightstand to read next. Apparently, there's a sequel book, too, so I'll probably read that after.

John Green's books are really good YA fiction. The Fault in our Stars, Finding Alaska, Paper Towns I've read and enjoyed.

Read any Neil Gaiman? I recommend American Gods and Anansi Boys, as well as Good Omens co-written with Terry Pratchett, also the author of many amazing Discworld novels. The books about the witches are the best.

Random other books I've read & enjoyed: Their Eyes Were Watching God, The Pelican Brief, Invitation To The Game, Throne of Glass series, The Invisible Library, The Paper Magician trilogy, The Night Circus, The Shepherd Moon, (Poison Study, Magic Study, Fire Study) trilogy, The Lost Legends of New Jersey.

Oh and if you like cats a lot like I do, Tails of Wonder and Imagination is a collection of very interesting short stories.

Girl none of us are perfect! Don't fool yourself into thinking these instagram models, dancers, or anyone else is without flaws.


-so shaving. i've shaved for 15 years, i just found a method that works for me. i basically work in long vertical strokes in three areas: ankle to below knee, knee, and above knee to top of thigh. Bikini area is basically a grid method too. I use dial bar soap and venus disposable razors (Sam's club is the best deal on these). Ceramides are fats added to lotions to form a barrier over your skin to prevent moisture loss. Try amlactin ceraputic/rapid relief (though it smells funny and stings after shaving). You'll thank me later.

-if all you want to do is buff your nails and trim your cuticles, i think that's way better than the effort most people put in.
-eyebrows are a BITCH. that was my hardest skill. get a powder and a fine eyebrow brush, and clean thet line up with a cotton swab. don't worry about making the perfect, eyebrows are sisters, not twins!

-gym: there's a book by Bret Contreras called Strong Curves which is the perfect starter book for any woman who wants to go to the gym, and doesn't know shit about working out. extra booty emphasis. don't sweat this though, you sound like you're in great shape. cut yourself some slack!

-i think the most important thing working in a strip club taught me is that everyone who looks like a 10 walks into the dressing room looking like a total car wreck. same for IG models. filters and photoshop do SO much for you. don't aspire to be 'like' another person. aim to be the best version of yourself you can. feel free to PM me if you need any more help.

This book changed my life it sounds dumb, but I'm such a fucking slob, but my room is the neatest it's ever been, and getting rid of stuff has never felt less stressful. I've been at it for about 4 months, and when I backslide a bit it takes no time to get back... Also, I never thought I'd be into folding my clothes, but I love how neat and tidy my wardrobe is... It feels like I'm honoring the clothes I love to wear.

Oh, buy a plunger before you need it. Look at the cost of cleaning supplies at lowes or home depot and by everything but windex off brand.

Buy a stack of washcloths and hand towels. You'll save a bundle on paper towels by having reusable.

And buy a all in one tool kit with hammer, wrench, multi screwdriver, measuring tape, etc. It's amazingly useful and compact.

A flashlight is also not a bad thing to own.

I have a load of dishes that I love to cook, but I found it got a lot simpler once I knew the basics. This isn't a list of recipes but hopefully will get you excited to get into the kitchen, and at the bottom is a few extra links:

Basics

• cutting, dicing, slicing - once you get your knife skills down everything becomes a lot easier.
  
  
• Temperatures - you don't need to blast meat in the oven for it to be cooked. Get a food thermometer to be safe, and means you can get that rare bit of meat if you want.
  
  Flavours and seasonings
  
  
• onions, carrots and celery tend to be my "base" vegetables (one onion, few sticks of celery and carrots). They help bring out the flavours.
  
  
• When making a soup, add the various herbs your using to the onions and garlic when you're frying them off in the beginning. Adds to the oil flavours and helps season it better.
  
  
• basic seasoning (salt and pepper) - remember to season!!
  
  
• spice combinations - my go to are oregano/garlic/basil for something light, cumin/corriander/tumeric for something more curry-like and then ginger/lemon grass for Thai flavourings.
  
  Tricks
  
  
• It's said the difference between home cooking and restaurant cooking is shallots, salt and cream. Just sayin'
  
  
• Slow cooking was my fail safe when I started cooking, wack everything in, low temperature, 8 hours, boom.
  
  
• Foil dinners! Get some meat, veg, seasoning, wack in some foil, dump in oven. Voila.
  
  Chefs to check out
  
  
• Michel Roux
  
  
• Jamie Oliver - check out his website, really good for simple recipes.
  
  
• Marco Pierre White
  
  Books
  
  
• Flavour Thesaurus this is my baby, so useful to find out little tricks.
  
  There was also an /r/AskReddit post a few months back, I saved this post from it as it was quite useful in showing fail safe recipes to show off.
  
  Anyway! Food is my thing. Happy to PM you more stuff!

I really recommend the DBT Workbook (available on Amazon, http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1572245131/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1451072829&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX118_SY170_QL70&keywords=dbt+workbook ) for everyone, but especially for anyone with mental health issues. It can work well on its own, just take your time going through it and give yourself time to practice the skills. Maybe recruit a friend to do it along with you.

That said, it'll work best in conjunction with the right antidepressants and a good therapist. If you don't find the right antidepressant or right therapist on the first try: keep looking.

Also, I like the GridJournal app for iOS for journaling. Writing in a journal, writing regularly, and practicing gratitude will all help.

Also, I like calm.com's app (also for iOS but available via their website too) for mindfulness practice. It'll help a lot.

I love in a studio apartment so when I make the bed it at least looks like I got half my shit together. ;p It's the little things....

There's a new book that's all the rage right now and a few of my friends have tried it. Might be worth a peruse though to me it looks like next level organising. BUT I will say when my place (mostly) in order it helps me mentally also. I don't have all my shit together, but it's decent.

Also, give yourself credit! Recognizing the need for this change is the first step. This reminds me of a great line in one of my favorite books (Swan Song by Robert McCammon): "One step at a time, she told herself. One step and then the next gets you where you’re going". You'll get there. :)

I have found going through the process of DBT using this workbook helped me to define the activities that cheer me up:

• Nice Smells
  
• Going to a gourmet grocery store and buying myself flowers and treats
  
• Seeing a friend for coffee
  
• Exercise, Yoga, Meditation, Tennis
  
• Gardening or going to an arboretum, spending time in nature or on a hike
  
• Hot Bath
  
  Generally meditation is the thing that gets me most energized to start a new interest or hobby.
  
  

[this book] (https://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131) doesn't solely deal with self esteem, but that is part of it. I'm still making my way through it myself and I love it, I think most people could really benefit from the skills in this book. I'm getting so much better at being in control of my emotions and how I interact with people.

Red raspberry leaf tea.

I thought my Mom was off her rocker, but after spending hours paralyzed on the floor, I gave in and had her get me some. It works. Local health food store, vitamin shop, Sprouts, Whole Foods, or health food aisle should have it

Edit:
If anyone is curious this is the brand I last bought, but any made with real raspberry leaves will do. Artificial flavoring won't cut it. Some brands also sell it under "Women's Tea" for help with fertility, labor, or PMS pains. Check your labels and may your uterus be rage free!